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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #62: Conveying Emotion Through Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

#61: Conveying Emotion through Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #62: Conveying Emotion Through Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

In the previous lesson, we analyzed a scene in Sense and Sensibility and discovered 10 emotional clues that Jane Austen uses to convey what characters feel to the reader. These ranged from concrete actions to impressions to shifts to dialogue. These clues are extremely useful, because they can create an emotional picture even for minor characters, far removed from the narrator’s perspective.

But what if you are writing in close third person—from a narrator’s perspective, but with close access to a character’s viewpoint, thoughts, and perspective? Or what if you are writing first person, and the narrator is one of the characters? Or what if you are writing from an omniscient point of view, and the narrator has the ability to dip into the minds, viewpoints, and eyes of multiple characters?

If you are trying to convey the emotion for a viewpoint character, there are additional emotional clues that you can use. In this lesson we will focus on two related but separate tools: revelations of character thoughts and free indirect speech.

Emotional Clues for Viewpoint Characters: Revelations of Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

One of the most powerful tools for a viewpoint character is the fact that the writer can directly convey the characters thoughts. This is only possible for a viewpoint character—only for a viewpoint character can the narrator be seen to know, fully and completely, what that individual is thinking.

Emotional Clues Technique 11: Reveal the Thoughts of the Character. (Jane Austen Writing Lessons.)

There are many ways that a narrator can reveal character thoughts. Often this occurs through:

  • Summarizing the character’s thoughts,
  • Stating the character’s thoughts
  • Making statements on/connections related to the character’s thoughts.
Emotional Clues Technique 12: Free Indirect Speech. (Jane Austen Writing Lessons.)

Another related method to reveal character thoughts is free indirect speech. Free indirect speech (also known as free indirect discourse) was not invented by Jane Austen, but she was one of the first writers to use it in large amounts. So what is free indirect speech?

Free indirect speech is when the narrative shifts from a slightly more distant perspective of the narrator, to directly and fully into the character’s perspective, thoughts, and visceral experience.

Examples of Conveying Emotion by Revealing Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

A passage from Jane Austen’s novel Mansfield Park will illustrate both types of emotional clues more fully.

This is a scene from the second half of the book. Fanny’s female cousins have left home, and her uncle, Sir Thomas, is truly noticing Fanny for the first time. Sir Thomas decides to throw a ball. He informs Fanny that she is going to open the ball—a position of great honor.

Throughout this passage, the third person narrator sticks close to Fanny’s perspective. This provides an opportunity to describe Fanny’s thoughts and reflections, her reactions and her emotions. At just a few points, the narration slips into free indirect speech, and we are completely immersed in Fanny’s perspective. The sentences which use free indirect speech are bolded. (Note that in the original, there is no bolding—there is nothing that distinguishes or separates the free indirect speech visually from the narrator’s descriptions and summaries of Fanny’s thoughts.)

In a few minutes Sir Thomas came to her, and asked if she were engaged; and the “Yes, sir; to Mr. Crawford,” was exactly what he had intended to hear. Mr. Crawford was not far off; Sir Thomas brought him to her, saying something which discovered to Fanny, that she was to lead the way and open the ball; an idea that had never occurred to her before. Whenever she had thought of the minutiae of the evening, it had been as a matter of course that Edmund would begin with Miss Crawford; and the impression was so strong, that though her uncle spoke the contrary, she could not help an exclamation of surprise, a hint of her unfitness, an entreaty even to be excused. To be urging her opinion against Sir Thomas’s was a proof of the extremity of the case; but such was her horror at the first suggestion, that she could actually look him in the face and say that she hoped it might be settled otherwise; in vain, however: Sir Thomas smiled, tried to encourage her, and then looked too serious, and said too decidedly, “It must be so, my dear,” for her to hazard another word; and she found herself the next moment conducted by Mr. Crawford to the top of the room, and standing there to be joined by the rest of the dancers, couple after couple, as they were formed.

She could hardly believe it. To be placed above so many elegant young women! The distinction was too great. It was treating her like her cousins! And her thoughts flew to those absent cousins with most unfeigned and truly tender regret, that they were not at home to take their own place in the room, and have their share of a pleasure which would have been so very delightful to them. So often as she had heard them wish for a ball at home as the greatest of all felicities! And to have them away when it was given—and for her to be opening the ball—and with Mr. Crawford too! She hoped they would not envy her that distinction now; but when she looked back to the state of things in the autumn, to what they had all been to each other when once dancing in that house before, the present arrangement was almost more than she could understand herself.

There is so much incredible emotion conveyed in these two paragraphs. We feel as if we are with Fanny, next to the dance floor. We are with her in thought, in perspective, in the moment.

Let’s look at the difference between when the narrator conveys Fanny’s thoughts through summary, statement, and analysis, and when the narrator conveys Fanny’s thoughts through free indirect speech.

She could hardly believe it.

Her thoughts flew to hose absent cousins with most unfeigned and truly tender regret

She hoped they would not envy her that distinction now

But when she looked back to the state of things in autumn…the present arrangement was almost more than she could understand herself.

In each of these phrases, we have access to Fanny’s thoughts, but it is through the filter of the narrator. These thoughts are summarized, they’re condensed, they are stated, they are made beautiful through connection and analysis. And these thoughts certainly give the reader a lens clearly into Fanny’s emotions, in a way that’s only possible because she is the viewpoint character.

In the sentences that use free indirect speech, this narrator’s filter—even though it is a close third person filter—is removed. We are completely in her thoughts, in the moment, with no summary or larger picture perspective:

To be placed above so many elegant young women! The distinction was too great. It was treating her like her cousins!

These are Fanny’s actual thoughts, in the moment—this is her emphasis, her internal exclamations. And then, a few lines later we read:

So often as she had heard them wish for a ball at home as the greatest of all felicities! And to have them away when it was given—and for her to be opening the ball—and with Mr. Crawford too!

The power of free indirect speech is that in these moments of immersion we, as the reader, become one with the character and her perspective. Nothing separates us—for a moment, we become her.

In this last sentence of free indirect speech, note how the syntax changes. We have three clauses, all starting with “and,” stacked on each other using em dashes. For this sentence, it creates a sort of miniature use of stream of consciousness—the natural, continuous, not always sequential direction of thoughts. (Authors who are famous for their use of stream of consciousness, like Virginia Woolf, use it for much longer passages. In this passage by Austen, this sentence leans towards stream of consciousness, but because of its length is properly categorized and free indirect speech.)

The Power of Conveying Emotion Through Character Thoughts and Free Indirect Speech

One of the powers of novels and short stories is that you can convey the viewpoint character’s thoughts, perspectives, and emotions, through summary, statement, making connections to other things, and free indirect speech. This is an opportunity that is not present in the same way in other mediums (for example, the only way movies and TV can do this is through voice over narration, and this only is effective for certain stories).

While free indirect speech has the advantage of immersing us fully into the character’s thoughts and perspectives, other sorts of revelations of character thoughts (like summary, statement, and making connections) have their own advantages: they can provide context, weave in themes and insights, create layering, and sometimes create an important distance between the reader and the emotion.

Like any tools to convey emotion, these should not be used exclusively, but when coupled with other tools, these techniques can help the reader feel a connection to the characters and understand their state of mind throughout the story.

A Few Final Notes: Italics and First Person Narrators

  • Instead of using free indirect speech, some modern stories will italicize character’s direct thoughts. This draws attention to it as a thought, separate from the main narrative, but has many of the same effects as using free indirect speech.
  • Texts written in first person rather than third person are, by definition, entirely in the thoughts and viewpoint of the first person narrator. However, there is still often a sense of the narrator as the storyteller—the narrator is still a filter. This is especially the case with a first person past tense point of view: there is often the sense that the story is being told later, and sometimes with accompanying reflection. At times, the descriptions and thoughts will feel even closer, more immediate, and more immersive, and this can create a similar effect as using free indirect speech.
  • First person present tense is meant to feel even more immediate than first person past tense, as everything is unfolding before the character (and the reader) in the present. Yet like with first person past tense, at times we can feel even closer and more submersed in the character’s perspective.
Writing Exercises - Jane Austen Writing Lessons

Exercise 1: An Imitation

Write an imitation of the two paragraphs from Mansfield Park. You should use your own characters, and a new situation which parallels the original (instead of a ball, another situation in which a character might be surprised, like being asked to demonstrate something at work, or being chosen as a starter in a soccer game).

As you write your own two paragraphs, try to match Austen’s use of emotional clues. When she summarizes an emotion, try to summarize your own character’s emotion. When she uses free indirect speech, use free indirect speech. When she makes a connection to something that happened in the past, make a connection to something that happened in the past.

Once you’re finished, read the paragraphs aloud and see how the emotions build for your character.

Exercise 2: Italics vs. Free Indirect Speech

Write two versions of a paragraph in third person where a character experiences emotion. In the first version, choose one to three spots where you express the characters thoughts in italics. In the second version, incorporate these same thoughts but using free indirect speech. Which approach works better for your particular passage and writing style?

Exercise 3: First Person Analysis

Choose a book or a short story written in first person. Read a few passages, analyzing how the emotion is conveyed through thoughts. Despite being third person, are there portions where we are farther from or closer to the character’s emotions?

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons #55: Dialogue as a Weapon (Manipulative Dialogue)

#55: Dialogue as a Weapon (Manipulative Dialogue)

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons #55: Dialogue as a Weapon (Manipulative Dialogue)

Many characters use dialogue as a speech act—as an action that can create or induce change. And one of the primary modes of dialogue is persuasion: the act of speaking can often influence emotions and choices.

While many characters will go to great lengths to be persuasive—consider, for example, Mr. Collins’ proposal to Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice—other characters use dialogue not simply as a means of persuasion, but as a weapon. These characters wield dialogue in manipulative and even abusive ways.

In Mansfield Park, Mrs. Norris consistently uses dialogue as a weapon. She does not do so to everyone—those who she sees as her equals or her superiors are spared. However, she sees Fanny as lesser. Fanny is her poor niece that has been taken in to be raised at Mansfield Park, and to Mrs. Norris, Fanny is undeserving of any respect or consideration.

In the novel, the characters decide to perform a play, and they insist that Fanny participate. Fanny does not want to be in the play, for she sees participating as morally repugnant. She expresses her desire to not participate, and many characters attempt to persuade her. Then Mrs. Norris joins the fray, whispering a rebuke to Fanny, but doing so in a way that everyone else can hear:

Mrs. Norris completed the whole by thus addressing her in a whisper at once angry and audible—“What a piece of work here is about nothing,–I am quite ashamed of you, Fanny, to make such a difficulty of obliging your cousins in a trifle of this sort,–So kind as they are to you!—Take the part with a good grace, and let us hear no more of the matter, I entreat.”

“Do not urge her, madam,” said Edmund. “It is not fair to urge her in this manner. You see she does not like to act. Let her chuse for herself, as well as the rest of us. Her judgment may be quite as safely trusted. Do not urge her any more.”

“I am not going to urge her,”—replied Mrs. Norris sharply, “but I shall think her a very obstinate, ungrateful girl, if she does not do what her aunt and cousins wish her—very ungrateful indeed, considering who and what she is.”

Consider how language is used as a weapon:

  • Norris shames Fanny publicly
  • She trivializes Fanny’s concerns and emotions
  • She is manipulative and speaks of what Fanny owes everyone

In her second passages of dialogue, she also:

  • Casts weighty moral judgment on Fanny’s desires and planned actions
  • Uses a logical fallacy to give Fanny no other possible paths of behavior besides obeying her or publicly going against her
  • Alludes, very directly and unkindly, to Fanny’s inferior position

In response, we read that “Edmund was too angry to speak.” And perhaps he is too angry to speak—but in many ways, he is also used to the weaponized language that Mrs. Norris uses on Fanny. He does not come to her defense.

Instead, someone who is not a member of the family intervenes. Miss Crawford is shocked by Mrs. Norris’ verbal treatment of Fanny, manages to partially remove Fanny from the situation, and spends the rest of the scene trying to be especially kind to Fanny. And despite the fact that Miss Crawford is all in for the play, she attempts to show reservations about it and sympathize with Fanny’s perspective.

As often happens with abusive people in real life, Mrs. Norris does not just do this once to Fanny: this is consistent, and at times it escalates to threats of throwing Fanny out of the house.

In a later chapter, Miss Crawford has invited Fanny to dinner. Mrs. Norris is not pleased, feels that Fanny is undeserving of such favor, and informs Fanny of such.

“The nonsense and folly of people’s stepping out of their rank and trying to appear above themselves, makes me think it right to give you a hint, Fanny, now that you are going into company without any of us; and I do beseech and entreat you not to be putting yourself forward, and talking and giving your opinion as if you were one of your cousins—as if you were dear Mrs. Rushworth or Julia. That will never do, believe me. Remember, wherever you are, you must be the lowest and last; and though Miss Crawford is in a manner at home at the Parsonage, you are not to be taking place of her. And as to coming away at night, you are to stay just as long as Edmund chuses. Leave him to settle that.”

“Yes, ma’am, I should not think of anything else.”

“And if it should rain, which I think exceedingly likely, for I never saw it more threatening for a wet evening in my life, you must manage as well as you can, and not be expecting the carriage to be sent for you. I certainly do not go home to-night, and, therefore, the carriage will not be out on my account; so you must make up your mind to what may happen, and take your things accordingly.”

Her niece thought it perfectly reasonable. She rated her own claims to comfort as low even as Mrs. Norris could.

The terrible, tragic thing is that Fanny has internalized Mrs. Norris’ views. She believes she deserves no comfort. Of course she will not request a carriage, even if it rains.

While Fanny endures her tribulations with sweetness and courage, and while at the points where it matters most to her, she stands up for herself, this weaponized, abusive language has harmed her. As was Mrs. Norris’ intent.

In many ways, Mrs. Norris represents one of the most insidious types of antagonists: someone who is close to the main character and has influence and control, and who uses that power to abuse others in both action and speech.

Mrs. Norris is not a pleasant character to read—and likely wasn’t a pleasant character to write. But the inclusion of her character adds to the themes of the story, adds to our understanding of the oppression inherent in Mansfield Park and its characters.

Many of Austen’s novels includes characters who are manipulative to some degree or another. In Emma, Emma manipulates Harriet into refusing an offer of marriage. In Sense and Sensibility, Lucy Steele extracts a rather-manipulative promise from Eleanor. And in Pride and Prejudice, Mrs. Bennet tries—and fails—to manipulate Elizabeth into marrying Mr. Collins. Most of these characters are less flawed than Mrs. Norris, less thorough in their manipulation (not generally abusive), have at least semi-positive intentions, or have less power than Mrs. Norris does over Fanny. Yet some of the principles are the same. When characters have something they truly want, they are sometimes willing to cross the line between normal persuasive tactics and manipulation.

One of my favorite aspects of Mansfield Park is that by the end of the novel, Fanny is in a new situation—a situation in which she is free from Mrs. Norris’ manipulations and abusiveness. In Emma, Harriet also becomes free of manipulation, and by the end of the book is able to choose what she wants and be confident in herself. While dialogue is sometimes used as a weapon by characters in Austen novels, and while this dialogue may cause great harm, the characters on the receiving end of this harm are consistently able to overcome their struggles.

Writing Exercises - Jane Austen Writing Lessons

Exercise 1: Write a brief scene where a character is trying to persuade someone of something. Whether or not the character succeeds is up to you. Now write a second version of the scene. This time, the character should use some degree of manipulation.

Exercise 2: Make a list of people who are manipulative. They can be mildly, occasionally, or ineffectively manipulative; they can be thoroughly and abusively manipulative; or they can be anywhere in between. These people can be individuals you have encountered in real life, or characters from stories.

Exercise 3: Consider an antagonist in a story you have written, or a story you plan to write. Do they ever use dialogue as a weapon? Would it be useful for them to do so? If not, why?

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #52: Different Responses to Dialogue

#52: Different Responses to Dialogue

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #52: Different Responses to Dialogue

One of the most useful practices when writing dialogue is to consider how different characters will respond to the same line of dialogue in different ways. Whenever, we have certain expectations for how we will be interpreted, for how we would like others to respond. Sometimes, they respond in the way we would expect; other times they respond differently. In a group dialogue, with three or more people, there can be—and often should be—a diverse range of responses to key lines of dialogue.

In Jane Austen’s novel Persuasion, Louisa Musgrove falls on a stone staircase and injures her head. Her illness and her recovery become a talking point in many social gatherings. Not long after the injury, Lady Russell and Anne Elliot call upon the Crofts. Jane Austen describes the conversation between Lady Russell, Anne, and Mrs. Croft, as Admiral Croft observes and then adds his perspective on the matter:

As to the sad catastrophe itself, it could be canvassed only in one style by a couple of steady, sensible women, whose judgments had to work on ascertained events; and it was perfectly decided that it had been the consequence of much thoughtfulness and much imprudence; that its effects were most alarming, and that it was frightful to think, how long Miss Musgrove’s recovery might yet be doubtful, and how liable she would still remain to suffer from the concussion hereafter!—The Admiral wound it all up summarily by exclaiming,

“Ay, a very bad business indeed.—A new sort of way this, for a young fellow to be making love, by breaking his mistress’s head!—is not it, Miss Elliot?—This is breaking a head and giving a plaister truly!”

Admiral Croft’s manners were not quite of the tone to suit Lady Russell, but they delighted Anne. His goodness of heart and simplicity of character were irresistible.

Lady Russell does not approve of Admiral Croft’s statement or the manner in which he has said it—to her, Louisa’s injury is not a laughing manner. This is not a formal, sophisticated way to speak of it. Yet we read that this response “delighted Anne.” It is not that Anne disregards propriety, but rather that she sees a place for levity, and that she understands his goodness and his character and how that informs his statement.

In a previous Jane Austen Writing Lesson, I discussed how groups of characters are not monoliths: even among very similar characters, there should be a range of perspectives and attributes.

The same is true with how characters respond to dialogue.

Factors that influence how a character responds to dialogue:

  • Their personality

  • Their expectations

  • Their knowledge of, and relationship with, the speaker

  • Their understanding of the situation and topic

  • Their wants, needs, and goals

  • Their inherent biases

In Mansfield Park, a group of individuals, which includes most of the main characters, is given a tour of the Rushworth home by Mrs. Rushworth. Mrs. Rushworth show them the chapel—which disappoints Fanny for its lack of grandeur—and explains:

“It is a handsome chapel, and was formerly in constant use both morning and evening. Prayers were always read in it by the domestic chaplain, within the memory of many. But the late Mr. Rushworth left it off.”

Miss Crawford interprets this dialogue very differently than Fanny:

“Every generation has its improvements,” said Miss Crawford, with a smile, to Edmund….

“It is a pity,” cried Fanny, “that the custom should have been discontinued. It was a valuable part of former times. There is something in a chapel and chaplain so much in character with a great house, with one’s ideas of what such a household should be! A whole family assembling regularly for the purpose of prayer is fine!”

The differences in their reactions to Mrs. Rushworth’s dialogue reveal much about Miss Crawford and Fanny. Fanny is pious and has grand visions of morality, while Miss Crawford is more cynical.

Yet the dialogue does not stop there—each of the characters continue to bring themselves to the discussion. Fanny’s statement is immediately interpreted in two different ways:

“Very fine indeed!” said Miss Crawford, laughing. “It must do the heads of the family a great deal of good to force all the poor housemaids and footmen to leave business and pleasure, and say their prayers here twice a day, while they are inventing excuses themselves for staying away.”

“That is hardly Fanny’s idea of a family assembling,” said Edmund. “If the master and mistress do not attend themselves, there must be more harm than good in the custom.”

Miss Crawford’s interpretation shows an awareness of class disparity and the way in which upper class people often force their morality on those in their employ while disregarding the same principles of morality for themselves. It’s both a clever and an insightful comment. And it also treats Fanny’s perspective as inadequate and uninformed.

Edmund’s response defends Fanny, in part because of the long-established relationship that he has with Fanny, and his understanding of her meaning. But his response also stems from the fact that he intends to become a clergyman and also sees value in religious practices.

Later on in the scene, Edmund’s sister Julia tells a joke about Maria and Mr. Rushworth being ready for marriage, and tells Edmund:

“My dear Edmund, if you were but in orders now, you might perform the ceremony directly.”

Miss Crawford is shocked by this new information:

“Ordained!” said Miss Crawford; “what, are you to be a clergyman?”

“Yes; I shall take orders soon after my father’s return—probably at Christmas.”

Miss Crawford, rallying her spirits, and recovering her complexion, replied only, “If I had known this before, I would have spoken of the cloth with more respect,” and turned the subject.

This new knowledge makes Miss Crawford wish that she had responded differently to the previous lines of dialogue. She was trying to impress Edmund with her insights and clever way of speaking, but was missing information that would have shifted her response.

In writing group dialogue, it is useful to consider that different characters will often respond to the same passage of dialogue in different ways. Incorporating these differences can richer dialogue with more tension and movement.

Writing Exercises - Jane Austen Writing Lessons
The Response Game

Exercise 1: The Response Game

Choose 5 characters. These could be characters you’ve already written, characters from one of your favorite books or films (for example, Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, Miss Caroline Bingley, Elizabeth Bennet, and Jane Bennet), or characters that are inspired by people in your life.

Now watch a trailer for a new or upcoming movie. How would each of the five characters respond differently to this trailer?

Craft a 2-3 sentence response for each of the characters to this movie trailer.

Exercise 2: A Practice Scene

Write a brief scene with three characters. Have one of the characters say a line of dialogue which is interpreted differently by the characters. something, and then the other two characters respond in different manners. The responses can be largely internal or largely external; they can be in the form of dialogue, action, or introspection. The characters may also have the same external reaction or action, but for different reasons.

Exercise 3: Dialogue Analysis and Revision

Part 1: Analyze a passage of dialogue in a published short story or novel. The passage of dialogue should include at least three characters. Consider when characters respond differently to the same line of dialogue, and what motivates this response.

Part 2: Revise a scene you have written which includes dialogue between at least three characters. Are there places where you could strengthen the passage by having the characters respond differently to the dialogue?

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #48: Techniques for Writing About Holidays in Fiction

#48: Techniques for Writing About Holidays in Fiction

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #48: Techniques for Writing About Holidays in Fiction

Jane Austen has a thing for Christmas.

In some of her novels, Christmas is mentioned only in brief, while in others it is a focal component, but each of her six published novels incorporates Christmas in some way. In this post, we’re going to look at how Jane Austen uses Christmas as a storyteller, and what writing techniques we can learn from her. Whether your characters celebrate Christmas or Eid or Rosh Hashanah, you can apply these techniques for writing about holidays in fiction to your own stories.

Writing Holidays in Fiction. Technique #1: Use holidays as time markers. Jane Austen Writing Lessons.

Technique 1: Use Holidays as Time Markers

Major holidays act as time markers in the year—they are days that are out of the ordinary, and we associate them with certain months and seasons. Austen often references Christmas a time marker, to show either a sense of when something occurred or will occur, or to show the passage of time.

She does this a number of times in her novels, but here’s a few brief examples.

Mansfield Park

In Mansfield Park, there is a conversation between Miss Crawford and Edmund Bertram. They share a romantic interest in each other, but Miss Crawford looks down on the clergy as a profession, while Edmund looks forward to becoming a clergyman:

“Ordained!” said Miss Crawford; “what, are you to be a clergyman?”

“Yes; I shall take orders soon after my father’s return—probably at Christmas.”

Pride and Prejudice

After the regiment leaves Meryton, initially a number of members of the Bennet family are devastated. Eventually, their intense feelings on the matter begin to subside:

Mrs. Bennet was restored to her usual querulous serenity; and, by the middle of June, Kitty was so much recovered as to be able to enter Meryton without tears; an event of such happy promise as to make Elizabeth hope that by the following Christmas she might be so tolerably reasonable as not to mention an officer above once a day…

Technique 2: Use Holidays to Convey Emotions

Holidays are not joyful for everyone: there is not a unified experience or emotional reaction for any holiday. Jane Austen uses holidays to demonstrate a range of emotional states. Sometimes, the emotions shown will be about the holiday itself, or people’s expectations and experience of the holiday. At other times, she will use a holiday to reflect a character’s overall emotional state at this point in the story.

This passage in Persuasion does both: we see characters’ emotions about the present holiday (which in part is related to their expectations for it). Lady Russell expects a quieter holiday than Mrs. Musgrove. We also see characters’ emotional states about the present events—Anne is still troubled by Louisa Musgrove’s accident and the resulting health consequences, and so she expects something different from Christmas, while Mrs. Musgrove finds the Christmas chaos to be a balm for her worries about her daughter Louisa.

Immediately surrounding Mrs Musgrove were the little Harvilles, whom she was sedulously guarding from the tyranny of the two children from the Cottage, expressly arrived to amuse them. On one side was a table occupied by some chattering girls, cutting up silk and gold paper; and on the other were tressels and trays, bending under the weight of brawn and cold pies, where riotous boys were holding high revel; the whole completed by a roaring Christmas fire, which seemed determined to be heard, in spite of all the noise of the others. Charles and Mary also came in, of course, during their visit, and Mr Musgrove made a point of paying his respects to Lady Russell, and sat down close to her for ten minutes, talking with a very raised voice, but from the clamour of the children on his knees, generally in vain. It was a fine family-piece.

Anne, judging from her own temperament, would have deemed such a domestic hurricane a bad restorative of the nerves, which Louisa’s illness must have so greatly shaken. But Mrs Musgrove, who got Anne near her on purpose to thank her most cordially, again and again, for all her attentions to them, concluded a short recapitulation of what she had suffered herself by observing, with a happy glance round the room, that after all she had gone through, nothing was so likely to do her good as a little quiet cheerfulness at home.

Louisa was now recovering apace. Her mother could even think of her being able to join their party at home, before her brothers and sisters went to school again. The Harvilles had promised to come with her and stay at Uppercross, whenever she returned. Captain Wentworth was gone, for the present, to see his brother in Shropshire.

“I hope I shall remember, in future,” said Lady Russell, as soon as they were reseated in the carriage, “not to call at Uppercross in the Christmas holidays.”

Technique 3: Use Distinctive Holiday Details

At times, Austen gives distinctive details surrounding Christmas. This gives flavor to the holiday and paints the setting for the reader. As a modern reader, these details are fascinating, but they would also be interesting for a contemporary reader because they show how a particular character or group interacts with the holiday.

In the above passage from Persuasion, here are some of the distinctive details included about Christmas:

  • Girls cutting up silk and gold paper
  • A table covered by “tressels and trays, bending under the weight of brawn and cold pies”
  • A “roaring Christmas fire”—a loud, large fire, louder and larger because it is for Christmas

The novel Sense and Sensibility includes only two brief references to Christmas, and yet the details included do give flavor to both the holiday and the character’s experience.

After Marianne Dashwood falls down a hill and is rescued by John Willoughby, the incident is mentioned by the Dashwoods to their friend Sir John, and Sir John gives several details praising Willoughby’s character, including the following with a reference to Christmas:

“He is as good a sort of fellow, I believe, as ever lived,” repeated Sir John. “I remember last Christmas at a little hop at the park, he danced from eight o’clock till four, without once sitting down.”

Here, we have details about Christmas—an outdoor party at the park, with dancing for eight hours!

Writing Holidays in Fiction. Technique #4: Use holidays for their associations. Jane Austen Writing Lessons.

Technique 4: Use Holidays for their Associations

Every holiday has a set of associations for both characters and readers. Some of these associations are universal—Christmas, for example, is associated with celebration and community and gathering as family and friends—while some may be more distinct.

In Emma, when the characters are at Box Hill, the characters begin sharing conundrums—a sort of riddle—and other plays on words. When it comes to Mrs. Elton, she says:

“Oh! for myself, I protest I must be excused,” said Mrs. Elton; “I really cannot attempt—I am not at all fond of the sort of thing. I had an acrostic once sent to me upon my own name, which I was not at all pleased with. I knew who it came from. An abominable puppy!—You know who I mean (nodding to her husband). These kind of things are very well at Christmas, when one is sitting round the fire; but quite out of place, in my opinion, when one is exploring about the country in summer.”

Mrs. Elton’s excuse for not participating is that it is not Christmas.

At other times these associations create emotional touchstones for the reader.

One of my favorite podcasts, The Thing About Austen, recently aired an episode about Elizabeth’s invitation for the Gardiners to join her for Christmas at Pemberley—first, Christmas is set up as a family event in the novel, for which the Gardiners always come to visit; then, Elizabeth supposes that it is good that she did not marry Mr. Darcy, for he would not allow the Gardiners to visit; and then, Elizabeth invites the Gardiners for Christmas. It’s an 18-minute episode, and well worth listening to for the way they analyze these passages and the details they include about Christmas in the Regency.

Writing Holidays in Fiction. Technique #5: Use holidays for key scenes.

Technique 5: Use Holidays for Key Scenes

In a previous post, I discussed how distinctive settings are often used for key scenes and turning points.

A holiday can provide a perfect opportunity for these key scenes or turning points—there is lots of emotions, and characters are often gathered together.

The most famous holiday scene in Austen’s works is the Christmas Eve dinner at the Westons in Emma. Its untimely end due to the snow leads to Mr. Elton’s unwanted proposal to Emma in a carriage. I discuss this scene in more depth in my post on using distinctive settings for major plot turns.

The other key scene which occurs at Christmas is the ball thrown for Fanny and her brother in Mansfield Park. This is the first time Fanny’s uncle has truly given her any attention—it is, perhaps, the first time she has felt valued by him. It provokes an internal crisis, as Fanny must decide whether to wear the necklace given her by the Crawfords or the one given by her cousin Edmund. And it is also an event where Henry Crawford gives Fanny his attentions as he attempts to make her fall in love with him. It’s an important scene with many key plot and character moments that change the course of the story.

Conclusion

While Austen often references Christmas, these techniques can be used for incorporating other holidays in fiction as well. Holidays are not an essential or required part of storytelling, yet every single culture and people celebrates holidays. Including holidays can give a fullness to the characters’ lives and show how they behave in circumstances which are out of the ordinary.

Writing Exercises - Jane Austen Writing Lessons

Exercise 1: Other Holidays

Choose a holiday that is not Christmas that your characters would celebrate. Write either a reference to the holiday or a full scene which uses at least one of the techniques in this lesson. Make sure to consider what associations the characters would have for the holiday and how they would celebrate it.

Exercise 2: A Holiday Story

Some of the most famous works of fiction, like A Christmas Carol, use a holiday as a core focus and setting for the entire story.

Holiday stories are often associated with certain genres, such as romance, however, holiday stories can be used in any genre—horror, science fiction, mystery, etc.

Outline a short story or novel, of any genre, which uses a holiday as a core component and setting.

Exercise 3: Read or Watch

Read or watch a story which incorporates a holiday, either in a small or large way. Does the story use the same techniques as Austen, or different ones?

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #38: Establish an Information Gap

#38: Establish an Information Gap

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Jane Austen Writing Lessons. #38: Establish an Information Gap

In the last lesson, I talked about the importance of giving your character something to discover—this creates curiosity in the reader and a desire to continue reading the narrative. In order to establish this curiosity about discovery, writers create an information gap for both the characters and the readers. As George Loewenstein explained, an information gap is a gap “between what we know and what we want to know.”

But how, as writers, do we create this information gap? How do we make readers aware of the gap between what they know and what they want to know?

1. Establish an Information Gap by Using Character Anticipation

One of the simplest ways to establish an information gap is to show the characters anticipating something, in their thoughts and words and actions. If the characters desire to know something, then not only do readers learn about this desire, but they begin to develop this desire also.

In Emma, almost all the characters anticipate meeting Frank Churchill and learning what he is like, which creates an awareness of him for the reader, as well as a knowledge that we do not know his character. Coming to know him is established as something intrinsically interesting:

Mr. Frank Churchill was one of the boasts of Highbury, and a lively curiosity to see him prevailed, though the compliment was so little returned that he had never been there in his life. His coming to visit his father had been often talked of but never achieved.

2. Establish an Information Gap by Breaking a Pattern

The human brain relies on patterns to make sense of the world. The book Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Dies explains that our attention is drawn when a pattern is broken.

There are many “patterns” in Emma, and many of these are related to societal expectations. First, we expect that someone will meet there verbal and written commitments. Mr. Churchill commits to come to Highbury to visit his father, but then he does not. This breaks a pattern:

“Where is the young man?” said John Knightley. “Has he been here on this occasion—or has he not?”

“He has not been here yet,” replied Emma. “There was a strong expectation of his coming soon after the marriage, but it ended in nothing; and I have not heard him mentioned lately.”

There is also a societal expectation that someone will behave in a “proper manner” to family members. This respect and consideration would include visiting them, but Mr. Churchill does not visit.

Any time that a pattern is broken in a story, especially if it is a behavioral pattern, then it creates an information gap: we want to know why this pattern has been broken. Another famous example of breaking a pattern in Emma is when Jane Fairfax receives an unexpected gift from an undisclosed person of a pianoforte. People do not simply receive pianofortes from mysterious benefactors, then or today, and this breaking of a pattern immediately creates an information gap, a mystery that Emma is compelled to unravel.

Gif of Jane Fairfax playing the pianoforte in the 2020 film Emma

Gif of Jane Fairfax playing the pianoforte in the 2020 film Emma.

3. Establish an Information Gap by Giving Consequence to Not Finding Out

There are endless things that a character might not know, but we only care about them as readers—they only become actual information gaps for readers—if there is a consequence to not finding out. There must be a reason the characters need to discover something. If there are not consequences to not discovering something, in other words, if the information gap has no stakes, then the character has no reason to fill the information gap, and the reader will not care whether or not they do.

In Emma, we like the character of Mr. Weston and we like his new wife, Mrs. Weston. They are good people, who mean a lot to Emma and to others in the community. And so we care that Mr. Weston’s son, Frank Churchill, refuses to visit.

Yet the stakes are not just for the Westons. Emma’s desire to come to know Mr. Churchill and his character relates to her own personal wants and desires. She is a matchmaker, and she has envisioned a match for herself:

Now, it so happened that in spite of Emma’s resolution of never marrying, there was something in the name, in the idea of Mr. Frank Churchill, which always interested her. She had frequently thought—especially since his father’s marriage with Miss Taylor—that if she were to marry, he was the very person to suit her in age, character and condition. He seemed by this connexion between the families, quite to belong to her. She could not but suppose it to be a match that every body who knew them must think of. That Mr. and Mrs. Weston did think of it, she was very strongly persuaded; and though not meaning to be induced by him, or by any body else, to give up a situation which she believed more replete with good than any she could change it for, she had a great curiosity to see him, a decided intention of finding him pleasant, of being liked by him to a certain degree, and a sort of pleasure in the idea of their being coupled in their friends’ imaginations.

Filling this information gap—coming to know Mr. Churchill and his character—has personal consequences for Emma and her future happiness.

4. Establish an Information Gap by Raising New Questions When Questions are Answered

There is a risk in creating something for your characters to discover: once they have discovered it, why should we keep reading? For big questions, when a question is answered, then a new question is often raised.

In Emma, Frank Churchill does ultimately come to Highbury. We meet him, we see him in front of us. Yet a new question is brought to the fore: what is Frank Churhill’s character? Yes, he has come, but is he the sort of man Emma has expected? Will he meet Emma’s matchmaking expectations and fall in love with her? How will he behavior to various parties now that he is in Highbury? Will there be a ball, and who will he dance with at the ball?

New questions about Frank Churchill are raised with every question that is answered, and in a sense, the larger question that was established before his arrival—what is Frank Churchill’s character?—is never clearly answered. It requires the full novel to answer that question, and each little detail is just one piece of the puzzle.

5. Establish an Information Gap by Revealing Key Information

While it is common to conceal information in order to create an information gap, the reverse can also be done. Revealing key information can actually create an information gap as we become curious about the consequences of this information. This is especially true when what is revealed has the potential to disrupt the forward path of the protagonist.

Austen’s novel Emma relies on concealing information, but her novel Mansfield Park reveals information in order to create a need for discovery.

In Mansfield Park, the main character, Fanny Price, has watched with disapproval as a new neighbor, Henry Crawford, flirts shamelessly with her cousins Maria and Julia, despite the fact that Maria is engaged. Then Maria weds and both her and Julia leave Mansfield Park, and Henry Crawford decides to turn his attentions to Fanny.

At this point, Austen could have created the information gap by simply continuing to show Fanny’s viewpoint. Through Fanny’s eyes, we would begin to see Henry’s attentions to Fanny, and we would wonder at the cause of them. We would wonder if he had changed on a fundamental level, and we would desire to know what both he and Fanny will choose to do as a result of these intentions.

Yet Austen does not follow this storytelling path. Instead, Austen reveals a huge piece of information before Henry begins to pay his attentions to Fanny. Austen provides the following scene between Henry Crawford and his sister Mary:

“And how do you think I mean to amuse myself, Mary, on the days that I do not hunt? I am grown too old to go out more than three times a week; but I have a plan for the intermediate days, and what do you think it is?”

“To walk and ride with me, to be sure.”

“Not exactly, though I shall be happy to do both, but that would be exercise only to my body, and I must take care of my mind. Besides, that would be all recreation and indulgence, without the wholesome alloy of labour, and I do not like to eat the bread of idleness. No, my plan is to make Fanny Price in love with me.”

“Fanny Price! Nonsense! No, no. You ought to be satisfied with her two cousins.”

“But I cannot be satisfied without Fanny Price, without making a small hole in Fanny Price’s heart.”

Providing this key information to the reader actually raises the stakes and raises our curiosity: we know that Mr. Crawford intends to make Fanny fall in love with him simply because he likes playing with women’s hearts and he wants to amuse himself.

We know from the start that his attentions are not genuine, which heightens the information gap because we feel a strong need for Fanny to discover this.

The other questions are still raised: Will Henry Crawford change? Will his affections become genuine? What will Henry Crawford and Fanny decide to do?

In this particular case, the key information is revealed to the reader but not to the protagonist, yet at times the key information which creates an information gap can be revealed to both the reader and to the protagonist.

In Conclusion

The five key techniques Jane Austen uses to create information gaps and a thirst for discovery are:

  1. Using character anticipation
  2. Breaking a pattern
  3. Giving consequence to not finding out
  4. Raising new questions when questions are answered
  5. Revealing key information

Each of these is a power tool to create a gap between what the reader and character know, and what the reader and character want to know. These five techniques can be used individually or in combination.

In the next lesson, I’ll talk about the four categories of things that a reader and a character might want to discover.

Writing Exercises - Jane Austen Writing Lessons

Exercise 1: Breaking a pattern

Write a brief scene which includes a number of people doing ordinary or expected things in a place (i.e. a grocery store, a sports game, or a family gathering). Quickly establish the normal pattern of behavior, and then have someone break the pattern.

Exercise 2: Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes. During this time, make a list of as many events, secrets, characteristics, etc. as possible that be something that characters must discover. Once you’re done, categorize each item on the list as one of the following:

H: Information that, at first, should be hidden or only hinted at—the process of discovery is finding out this information.

R: Information that should be revealed early on to the reader and/or to the character. The information gap and the process of discovery comes from the implications of this revelation.

H or R: This information could work equally well as hidden information or revealed information, though doing so would change the direction of the story.

Exercise 3: Find a story where a character is actively trying to discover something and analyze it: When is the information gap set up? What techniques are used to establish the information gap? Are there multiple information gaps?

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