Living the Dream (of Homemaking and Motherhood)

A few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream which involved me reading a pile of books to my toddler. I mentioned the dream to my friend Shann, and added, “And I’ve read a lot of books to Myra today.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Shann replied, “You’re living the dream!”

(Photo by Marissa Strniste)

Many visuals and many roles come to mind with the phrase “Living the Dream,” and typically being a mother is not one of them. You might picture a tropical island, fame, riches, or a relaxing lifestyle. Or, like in the song from the film Tangled, achieving a lofty goal (becoming a concert pianist, collecting ceramic unicorns, crafting a fulfilling career in interior design, or traveling outside of the limits of your current experience).

Recently, several of my high school friends have become very successful in the business world. It’s led me to consider the question, “What would I do if I had millions of dollars?”

For one, I’d buy all the expensive, foreign cheeses I wanted, and we could afford to go on more dates. I’d also raise my book budget, which is currently capped at $10 a month. Oh yes, and I’d buy a house. With a lawn mower.

But besides overflowing bookshelves and fridges, how would my life really look different? How would I choose to spend my time?

(Photo by Oberazzi)

After much thought I’ve decided that I would still choose to be a homemaker.

Yes, that means 60+ hours a week changing dirty diapers, cooking meals that will appeal to both adults and toddlers, taping broken objects, and trying to keep the house from descending into chaos. And when my next child is born, that will include spending hours every day breastfeeding and a fair number of sleepless nights.

But those 60+ hours a week also include my daughter bringing me a book, climbing onto my lap, and listening as I tell her stories. It includes singing the alphabet with Myra, taking her on walks, teaching her to enjoy the pool, and playing tickle attack.

It includes precious little moments that happen all the time, if only I choose to notice them. For example, yesterday I found my daughter sitting in the bathtub, fully clothed, waiting for the water to come out. (She had already taken one bath, but was pointing at the faucet saying, “water, water.”)

Another precious moment: my daughter stuck in a cupboard, saying, “Mom. Mom. Mom!”

Am I living the dream?

It’s not the dream I had in high school, that’s for sure. (My answer my senior year when I received the question, “Where will you be in 10 years?” did not include children.)

And it’s still not my only dream.

I have a lot of dreams, from being a published author to becoming accomplished at Chinese calligraphy to designing crochet patterns.

I haven’t touched my bamboo brushes in years–I never have two uninterrupted hours, and toxic paints plus children are a bad combination. I spend time writing, but it’s bits and pieces of free time here and there. I slowly create projects with my yarn, but I still haven’t figured out how to visualize something without a pattern.

These dreams, like many of the other dreams I cherish and love, have been mostly put aside, because of another dream I’m choosing to work on.

I choose to be a homemaker, because I feel it is best for my children, especially in their early years, to have someone to teach them and guide them and take care of them on a constant basis. And while it would make a big difference to our finances and budget if we had two incomes, I’m lucky enough not to have to work.

Right now, being a mother and a homemaker is my most important dream. And like all dreams that are really worthwhile, it requires sacrifices. This year, I’ve struggled with a lot of the sacrifices I’ve had to make. But it’s worth it, because right now I’m living the dream.

(For a related post, see Guardians of the Hearth.)