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Yesterday evening and this morning I experienced the Utah 2010 Blizzard, lovingly labeled by many the Snowpocalypse. At least, I think I experienced the blizzard.

Honestly, my experience of this blizzard was limited to looking out my window. About 4 inches of snow fell. The temperature dropped rapidly, and it is still frigidly cold today. But what I mostly experienced is people complaining that Snowpocalypse was not, in fact, the Snowpocalypse they had hoped for.

After all, we did get an official blizzard warning from the National Weather Service. Schools and businesses were closed, people told to stay off the roads if they possibly could. So shouldn’t our blizzard feel more like a disaster? And while we’re on the subject, wasn’t the H1N1 pandemic a little…boring? And Y2K… anticlimactic, to say the least?

The cause is what I will call the Nineveh Syndrome, which consists of two parts: disasters should create a cinematic experience, and preventative action makes disasters less exciting.

1. Disasters Should Create a Cinematic Experience

When we think of Jonah, we think of the man who was swallowed by a whale for disobeying God. But that’s not the whole story. After Jonah gets spit out on the beach, he obeys God and tells the people of Nineveh that if they don’t repent, the entire city will be destroyed.

Then Jonah goes and sits on top of a hill above the city, ready to watch his prophesied disaster unfold from the (nearly) God’s-eye view of the hilltop.

Like Jonah, we want front row seats. We want to be there for it, to experience the disaster first hand. And unlike Jonah, we have the advantage of expectations built on a life-time of cinematic spectacle–if there’s going to be disaster, it better be big, filled with awesome visuals, great sound effects, and, if possible, a score by Harald Kloser (after The Day After Tomorrow and 2012, our soundtrack should be easy).

In regards to last night’s visuals, apparently the over 300 storm-related accidents across the state were not enough. Perhaps it would’ve been more cinematic if half a dozen people had died.

And it would have been better if the entire state was blanketed by two to three feet of snow. Yes, some areas got their share of snow, but for most Utahns, safe inside their homes, it looked like a normal snow storm. What’s the point of having a blizzard if you only have to scrape 4 inches of snow off your car the next morning?

At the very least, it would’ve been nice to lose power like the 3,400 lucky homes that got to experience the cold of the blizzard first-hand.

Even with a handful of deaths, a few feet of snow, and a power outage, we’d still be disappointed. Because in disaster films the main characters always get to see every last bit of action. Now if we’d been in a helicopter flying south from the Idaho border just ahead of the blizzard last night, that would have been cool. Then our helicopter could have crashed right at the scene of the two jackknifed semis on I-84. After watching people moan in agony, we would’ve hitchhiked South across Utah, going into the eye of the storm, seeing dozens of accidents. And that my friends, would have been a cool blizzard.

Like Jonah, if there’s going to be a disaster, we demand a cinematic, front-row seat.

2. Preventative Action Makes Disasters Less Exciting

Jonah, sitting up on the hill in the bitter sunlight, starts complaining to God, who explains that he’s not going to destroy the city after all–the people repented. Why destroy a newly-worshipful city?

Jonah is, to put it mildly, put out. If Nineveh really was such a wicked city, surely their repentance shouldn’t be enough to save it? (In his mind may have been the fact that his punishment for simply ignoring God was being swallowed by a whale.)

The second problem we have with disasters is when disasters are predicted, we prepare for them. And when we prepare for disasters, they tend to either not arrive (as occurred in Nineveh) or to not be nearly as disastrous as predicted.

Y2K? Pretty boring. And while it’s debatable, it might have been more exciting had everyone not freaked out and done stuff to prepare for it beforehand.

The H1N1 Pandemic?  I remember hearing reports that if H1N1 hadn’t been declared a pandemic, people would’ve gone on with their normal germ-spreading ways, and then it truly could’ve been disastrous. As it was we all got our flu shots, stayed home at the slightest cough, glared at anyone who sneezed, and compulsively used soap and hand sanitizer. And not too many people died.

In regards to Snowpocalypse, we really did get a blizzard. Official definitions of a blizzard require low temperatures (check), high wind (check), heavy snow (check), and limited visibility over a period of time (check). Ice melt wasn’t working, black ice was everywhere, and it truly was dangerous to be on the roads. Even with most people off the roads, there were still 300 accidents in just a few hours. If we hadn’t received the blizzard warnings, a lot more people would have been out and about on the roads. And chances are, there would’ve been a lot more accidents and a lot more injuries–perhaps some of them fatal.

The hype about the blizzard encouraged us all to prepare, but because we all prepared, the blizzard did not live up to its hype.

As it was for Jonah, looking forward to disasters is never as fulfilling as we hope it will be. So pull out your hot chocolate (or iced tea) and wait for the next disaster. While you’re at it, I can always give you a list of disaster films to add to your Netflix queue.

Credits:

• Blizzard photo by paul+photos=moody
• Photo of a stain glass window in the city of Chartres by Tomasz1950