Hush, Little Baby: A Mildly More Sinister Version

A lot of nursery rhymes and children’s songs and stories have a sinister edge to them: “It’s raining, it’s pouring” is about a man dying in his sleep, London Bridge falling down typically would involve death and havoc, and Jack and Jill suffer traumatic head wounds. Not to mention what it would feel like to be swallowed by a wolf (Little Red Riding Hood) or locked in a cage by a cannibal (Hansel and Gretel).

“Hush, Little Baby” fits in well–a baby won’t stop crying, so a parent sings, offering rewards if the child would just be quiet, yet each of the rewards goes terribly wrong. (The real question: Is this intentional on the parent’s part, or simply bad fortune?)

My problem is that I can never remember the actual words to “Hush, Little Baby,” so when I come up with rhyming disasters on the spot, they tend to be a little more disturbing than the original. I do try to censor myself with my little ones, really. But I see no reason to censor myself on my blog. So without further ado…

Hush, Little Baby: A Mildly More Sinister Version

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,
Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird won’t stop singing,
Mama’s gonna buy you a bell for ringing.

And if your ringing bell calls a ghost,
Mama’s gonna buy you a trip to the coast.

And if at the coast you fall into brine,
Mama’s gonna buy you a silver mine.

And if that silver mine explodes,
Mama’s gonna buy you a treasure trove.

And if that trove comes with bloodthirsty pirates,
Mama’s gonna buy you a friendly primate.

And if that friendly primate bites your hand,
Mama’s gonna buy you a wind-up band.

And if that wind-up band hurts your ears,
Mama’s gonna buy you a box for your fears.

And if that box full of fears weighs you down,
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Original image by Marle, Creative Commons license